From time to time I like to look at the news, the current events, and try to understand what all the different factions are arguing about. Now, as I understand it, conservatives in this country have decided to look past their anti-Semitism (poor Nixon, he must be rolling in his grave) and are suddenly strongly pro-Israeli, even Zionist, in their leanings. Which means they’re advocating the right of the UN to enfranchise marginalized or victimized peoples by delegating the land of sovereign countries as belonging to the displaced or disenfranchised, right?

So I’d like to propose an idea that I’ve always thought is fair: We should give all the states that border the Mississippi River back to the Native Americans, under the auspices of the United Nations. Else we’d be letting the terrorists win.