Left and Right: D’Angelo and O.D.B.

Proving my theory incorrect, D’Angelo hasn’t actually become so unpopular that he can’t get arrested. And, worse, he got fat! D, you can’t go and get fat! The ladies need to have your abs to think about! Otherwise, they’re stuck thinking of Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise, and it ain’t like Brad Pitt knows how to get funky.

Now D, I know you fell off so hard you took poor Lauryn Hill with you, but you can’t just let yourself start looking like O.D.B. Unless this is some kind of homage to the recent passing of Russell Jones, it’s time to get your brown sugar ass back to Crunch.