Whitney Houston, insane former pop star and provider of bail for Bobby Brown, is a remarkable woman. No, not because her most successful song was spun out from a movie where she had to feign affection for Kevin Costner, but because she inspires such a wide variety of men to love her.

Like who? Like Osama Bin Freaking Laden! Let’s see what Page Six says:

Osama bin Laden has more on his mind than just the destruction of the United States – the world’s most wanted terrorist is obsessed with Whitney Houston, so much so that he’s even mulled a hit on her hubby, Bobby Brown.

Oh, snap! You don’t want to mess with Bobby Brown. But that’s not the worst foe that Osama would face while wooing Whitney. There’s also the threat of the undead Serge Gainsbourg to deal with. The dirty old man of French pop had dibs!

So, I’m thinking reality TV show. Zombie Serge vs. Osama Bin Laden in a stiff competition for Whitney Houston’s crack-addled heart. We could call it Beating Bobby Brown. As long as they don’t look at any recent pictures, it should turn out fine.