I forgot to mention it back in January when it happened, but I got to write my first piece for Businessweek, and there’s good news: It’s completely made up! I collaborated with my friends Paul Ford and Rusty Foster to imagine what the Consumer Electronics Show would be like if it were completely awesome instead of completely ridiculous. You should check it out.

9:17 a.m.: A dubstep remix of a Vanness Wu single is playing, and people seem excited. The subtitled lyrics on the screen translate to “My heart is moved by container ships across the ocean of your love.”

9:20 a.m.: Li enters and begins with the customary Android vendor apology.